SNARKBAIT: So, three secretaries all left the office for lunch together. As they got in the elevator, they notice a small pool of whitish fluid on the floor. The brunette said, "Eww! Is that sperm?" The redhead leaned a little closer, then said, "Yep, definitely sperm." The blonde leaned down and scooped up a fingerful. After tasting it she said, "Well, it's certainly not anyone in our office." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ DARTHROGER: So, I go to the doctor's for my annual physical. The doctor starts examining me; he's performing various tests, and after a few minutes he stops, wipes his glasses and says, "Roger, you're going to have to stop masturbating." I ask "why?" He says, "Because I'm trying to examine you." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ FAHLOSUEE: What's green and smells like pork? ...Kermit The Frog’s finger. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ BUNYIP: A man and a woman who had never met before found themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a trans-continental train. Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, they were both very tired and fell asleep quickly, he in the upper bunk, and she in the lower bunk. At 1:00 am, the man leaned down and gently woke the woman saying, "Ma'am, I'm sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into the closet to get me a second blanket? I'm awfully cold." "I have a better idea," she replied. "Just for tonight, let's pretend we're married." "Wow! That's a great idea!" he exclaimed. "Good," she replied, "Get your own fucking blanket!" After a moment of silence, he farted. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ GWENGIRL: Every day Johnny walks by the same group of prostitutes on his way to school. Every day they say "hello" and wave their pinky fingers at him. One day Johnny stops and asks, "Why do you always wave your pinky fingers at me?" One prostitute replies, "Because that's how big we think your penis is." The next day as he's walking to school and the women say "hello," waving their pinkies. Johnny turns to them, puts his fingers in his mouth and stretches it as wide as it will go, while saying "Hi ladies!" * * * REDDIT.COM