PART 1 * * * NOTE: I highly recommend that you watch the much raved about and intriguing podcast of June 5, 2024, with Evy, on 'The Diary of A Ceo' You Tube channel. See the link to the podcast here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iz_SJ5TpLJ0&list=WL&index=1 * * * It will really be worth your while. I have highlighted some of my favourite points Evy made. * * * (Evy Poumpouras is a former U.S. Secret Service Special Agent and Multi-media Journalist. She is also the Co-host of Bravo TV's series ‘Spy Games’ and Author of the best-selling memoir, ‘Becoming Bulletproof'). ________________________________________________________________________________________________________ EVY: BUILDING A CONNECTION WITH SOMEONE: “THE DAY YOU THINK YOU KNOW EVERYTHING IS THE DAY YOU BECOME OBSOLETE. What you want to understand is that person’s motivational mindset. What are you motivated by, so what is your value and belief system? Everybody’s motivated by something different, but I have to hear you and pay attention to you to understand what that is. If we give people enough space, THEY WILL REVEAL THEMSELVES TO YOU, but we’re so busy talking, we’re so busy making noise because we think everybody needs to hear me… 'I need people to like me, I need people to like me.' That is a trek for disaster, because now you are focused on getting people to like you, and not on what your goal is, but now I need to make somebody like me, those are two different animals… When you listen to someone they like you more, because everybody wants to talk about themselves, EVERYBODY WANTS TO BE HEARD. Don’t focus on making everybody like you, because you can do everything right and people may still just not like you. Instead, focus on ‘How about I’m going to be competent at what I do,’ when I say I’m going to do something, I follow through. When I say I can do something, I actually can do it. When I say I’m going to be there at 9:00, I’m there at 8:55. I’m also OPEN AND APPROACHABLE, I’m also NON-JUDGMENTAL, that’s a big thing. Nobody cares what you think. If you’re really trying to build a connection with a person, then build it, and let them tell you what they think. Because now you see the world through their lens. You don’t matter. They matter. What do they need? What is important to them? Let them tell you. Shut up… I LET YOU REVEAL TO ME WHAT MATTERS TO YOU. I let you reveal to me what your values are, and THEN I COME IN MORE INTELLIGENTLY INTO THE CONVERSATION, AND I SPEAK TO YOU… People will show you what they care about if we just Hold Back, Stay Silent, Ask Good Questions, and We’re Genuinely Curious. And the one factor that’s important is not having judgment, being non-judgmental. When you show judgment to another person they are gonna filter what they say, they are gonna shut down, they are gonna hold back, because nobody likes to be judged… It’s not what you say to people, it’s HOW THEY FEEL AROUND YOU... it’s the essence of who you are – IT'S OUR ETHOS (a Greek word meaning your way of being)… We show people in the context of whatever environment we’re in the version of what we want them to see, so that we can get the results that we want. MAKE DECISIONS BASED ON FACTS AND RATIONALITY; we want the emotions to go out the window. You don’t want to be an emotional decision maker, because it never goes well, because you’re not thinking clearly, you are just going with the wave. And it’s those moments when you say something you shouldn’t say, and then afterwards you regret it… IT’S ALWAYS ON YOU, BECAUSE YOU’RE THE GOVERNOR OF YOU." * * * TO BE CONTD… SEE PART 2